Run to Him

By Paula Marchman

May 2019

Has someone ever hurt you so deeply by misunderstanding you?

Their anger towards you is so penetrating and toxic that it consumes you!

So, when this happened to me I immediately went into survival mode and proceeded to dissect every part I could recall. I revisited the past conversations, the decisions I made until it became a vicious cycle with no end!

I replayed the ill feelings the confrontation caused, I even tried to validate and see it from their perspective! My thoughts and my search for any clarity or resolution became such a burden that it was difficult to even breathe, no less go about my days.

I was so trapped in my own thoughts to resolve this monster that even my soul was injured. As humans our tendency is to flee, to avoid or to fight- we all know about Survival Mode! None of these were an option!

Even prayer came with difficulty with the cycling of my negative thoughts. It overshadowed all of my life. I wanted my peace back!

Elder Thaddeus who was quoted in the book, “Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives,” talks about an old woman who told him that her neighbor was bothering her. She said the other woman was constantly throwing things into her yard. He asked her why she was always quarreling with her neighbor. But the old woman said that she never even spoke to her evil neighbor. The Elder insisted that she quarreled with her every day, “you are convinced that she is doing evil things to you, and you are constantly thinking about her. Let her do whatever it is she is doing, you just turn your thoughts to prayer, and you will see that it will stop bothering you.’”

The Lord calls us to love our enemies, to pray for them. Not for their sake, but for ours! For as long as we bear grudges, as long as we dwell on how someone offended us, we will have no peace.

So, we are not called to carry these grudges nor bear the resentment they grow within our thoughts and spirit. The Elder teaches us that the mind will attain peace when the Holy Spirit enlightens us with “the realization that the way to peace is the path of gentle thoughts, full of love and forgiveness.”

Praying for them changes our hearts so that we can then let go of the situation & allow God to heal us both. This does not mean isolating ourselves behind our imaginary walls of protection and isolation. This means acceptance in humility the realization that we do not control the other person nor do we “allow them” to control our thoughts.

In humility and compassion we do not hide from our Lord but we run to Him and we run to our Spiritual Father. We pray for them in their suffering and for our freedom from this bondage.  We put our trust in our Mighty God, the Healer of all.